Ladybug, ladybug

We knew about the ladybugs before we moved into this house just over 2 years ago. While some work was being done, Ray would see them (alive or not) in the attic or the upstairs bathroom, and chalked it up to the doors being open so much. After we moved in we still saw them frequently, but, hey. They were ladybugs, not cockroaches. No big deal. We saw a lot of them last summer when our linden tree was infested with aphids. Ladybugs love to dine on aphids and other plant-eating insects. Great for your garden. We had a regular feast going on out back for the ladies (though not much in the way of a garden). In the still-warm days of October, these spotted insects would swarm around the house, like something out of a horror movie. I don't really know why. It was a little creepy and I refused to let the kids outside to play on those days. In all, of all creatures to visit your house, a cuddly ladybug isn't so bad.

Of course, you'd rather not keep them.

Ray has an endearing habit of releasing certain bugs back into the wild when he finds them in the house (moths and ladybugs, yes; bees and flies, no). He does this gently, faithfully. I am of the cynical opinion that he's simply releasing them to become a meal for a bird, spider or bat, and they'd be better off in my bathroom. But he is an eternal optimist. The average ladybug only lives about six weeks, not so long. It's enough for Ray though, who always wants everyone to have a fighting chance.

Now that it's winter, I am very sad for the ladybugs I find in the house. I don't think we have much for them to feed on inside, but whenever I spy a little lady on my bathroom curtain or bedroom wall, I leave her alone. It's too cold to cast her outside, though I know my house condemns her to an end a lot sooner than a few weeks. Alas, if one of the kids sees her, the poor creature is likely to be pinched to death by an over-eager preschooler. But I like to think many of them live to see another day.

Spring is just around the corner, and this year I may just have a garden for my little ladybugs. If they survive, they surely deserve it. Maybe I am a romantic, after all.


Remember that Sesame Street song "Ladybug Picnic"? Check it out on YouTube (where else?)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xr8vUTm64h0

On Another Note

While I'm drafting a post, I'm also cooking some of my mother's Christmas manicotti and her holiday meat gravy. If you have never eaten this, you are missing out on something otherworldly. The manicotti, light, perfection; the meat gravy, bursting with sausage, pepperoni, spare ribs, plain meat (whatever that is), sublime. I think if I can learn to make this (after years of assisting, you'd think I could by now), my family would be complete.

Judgment

Ray said he read my blog and was happy to see that he'd be getting kissed more. I guess the last year was sort of rough on him too. For everything, honey, thanks.

A mom friend from Connecticut with whom I had not spoken for a little while also read this blog recently and contacted me. (Okay, the link from my Facebook profile definitely increased traffic.) We enjoyed reconnecting, catching up on family lives, kids' growth, and that sort of thing.

One thing struck me, though. She confessed that she too had been a smoker -- for all the time we'd known one another. "I tried to hide it from you!" she said. She was sure I'd judge her as a mom. After all, other than feeding your kid cocaine, what crime could be worse than SMOKING?? She was happy to say she'd also quit and that it was still hard. (You said it!)

It's an awful fear we moms live in, the judgment we expect from other moms. Whether the issue is breastfeeding, potty training, or TV watching, you can be sure that most of us wonder how our choices are viewed by the rest of the ladies on the playground.

Or maybe it's just me. I will be the first to admit I have issues in this department. I have too many times made decisions based on what I thought others would think or do. These days, I gussy up the house for moms dropping of playdate pals; I temper opinions on sensitive issues expressed to new mom friends -- see breastfeeding mentioned above; I want to be liked.

I guess there's nothing wrong with that. At the same time, I know I'd do better to follow the advice I give to Mitzi and Cooper almost every day, the same words my mom uttered to me: Just be yourself.

It's hard for us insecure moms. I committed a lot of heinous Mommy Crimes...I tried to breastfeed but frankly didn't care for it and when some of the kids gave it up long, long before one year (hey, most barely made it past four months), I was glad. Glad! La Leche members cringe in unison! I smoked for a long time, even after I became a Mom. DSS get over here! Sometimes I yell at my kids. Sometimes I let them watch a lot of television. Sometimes we eat chicken nuggets and go to bed without having baths.

Sometimes everyone stays in pajamas until dinnertime. If we get dressed at all.

I am not perfect. You know that. And one day, I'll embrace that imperfection. Until then, don't judge me too harshly. We are all doing the best we can.

And to my mom friend, if you fall off the nonsmokers' wagon, don't worry. I'll be the first to help you back up, if you need me to -- but I will never judge you.

New Year's Resolutions

Well, I had good intentions with this blog. But some stuff happened in 2007 and I didn't manage to get a single thought written.

I found the lump in my left breast the week before Christmas 2006, and rang in the new year waiting to see the doctor and agonizing over my discovery. In the six months that followed, I had a mammogram and a series of ultrasounds. Eventually in June 2007 a biopsy was performed, and the good news finally came. Benign tissue. One bullet dodged.

A month later I caught a cold. I got a sore throat and thought I felt a lump when I swallowed. Another three months, a trip to a specialist, a CT scan, and two "nodules" were discovered, one on my epiglottis and one on my thyroid. Surgery was scheduled for the beginning of October, and once again, good news followed. Bengin tissue. Bullet number two, dodged. A biopsy on the thyroid nodule had the same result. Number three.

You can't ask for better gifts than that.

So, I figured after getting luckly three times, it was time to shape up my act. During the throat issues, I quit smoking (again) but have managed to stay clean since the end of August 2007. As so many do, I made a few resolutions for 2008, mostly the usual ones.

Eat better -- more vegetables and more fruit. Mostly I save the good stuff for the kids and eat carbs.
Exercise -- More yoga (even bought a DVD for the kids to do with me); Ray and I bought a treadmill.
Get organized -- an uncluttered environment leads to uncluttered mind.

But here's the thing. Every one of the doctors I saw last year told me point-blank that I was too stressed, and most of my health issues (lumps notwithstanding) were directly related to that stress. So, here are my bigger resolutions:

Laugh every day.
Get to bed earlier.
Kiss my husband as much as possible.
Tell people how I feel.
Focus more on the accomplishments and less on the mess the kids make on the journey.

Breathe in, breathe out. Repeat as often as necessary.

Three passes last year, three misses, three gifts. It is a new year and I hope to make it the best yet.